Well, it's officially the holiday season. Halloween is over - which is pretty much the key determinant for Christmas season kick-off in Canada - the malls are playing carols and Santa Claus is coming to my town.....this afternoon. This also means that Christmas shopping is upon me.
I've got to be honest, I used to love shopping for presents for my family because I knew that they would enjoy receiving gifts picked especially for them. It was fun to dip into the stores with the money I had earned from my part-time job between Charlie Brown's Christmas special and the large-scale production put on by my church. The shopping took a backseat to baby Jesus and family time and was joy-filled. Nowadays, however, that joy is gone. My family is huge (and growing) and my income is no longer 100% disposable. Christmas shopping seems to be one of the largest hassles of the holidays and a major financial headache. I've got bills to pay and kids (ok, kid) to feed!! Here's the shopping list:
2 parents
3 brothers
2 sisters-in-law
7 nieces and nephews (ages 1-13)
1 son (he's 7)
1 for my son's dad (a gift from lil' man)
2 of Lil' man's godparents
2 Secret Santas with different groups of friends plus one at work
and a partridge in a pear tree....
Phew!!!!
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to (a) enjoy the holiday season without getting caught up in the stress of shopping (b) give gifts to everyone without breaking the bank and (c) find a way to balance gift-giving with the true meaning of the season? I'll be grinning through the parade as I contemplate a second mortgage to make it through to January....
~gg~
Play Six Word Saturday along with Cate at Show My Face. The premise: Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. Sounds easy, right? It is....and fun, too!! Click on the button to see what other six words people are putting together.
The school I work at is getting increasingly violent this year. A few years ago the school had a horrible reputation for being academically insignificant and notoriously violent. It has gotten much better since then, however, armed, violent incidents are on the rise. This week alone there were multiple fights, suspensions, expulsions and ambulances called. So this week I am thankful for one very important thing: SAFETY. Mine, my colleagues' and the rest of my students'.
I have been awarded the opportunity to act as "team mom" (one of two) for the Sr. Boys Basketball team at the high school at which I work. The role involves (at the core) handling the things the boys need that aren't directly related to coaching them. For example: first aid for ankle twists and nosebleeds, a reminder about attitude and language to avoid technical fouls and helping to re-tie neckties before getting off the bus. In short, team moms are responsible for injuries, egos and attire. When I signed on for this role, I was mainly coming out to support the team and help out the coaches, but I realized after missing one game how much the players look for that estrogen on the bench and the bus for a softer care and the fun we have together.
I'm proud to say my boys (yep, all 16 of them are mine) won the tournament they played in today despite some questionable calls by the refs, one ice pack and a few tough mommy looks. I will proudly be wearing my medal alongside them all day tomorrow at school.
I spend a fair amount of time on twitter and my favourite part of the whole thing is running across little nuggets of brilliance, humour, honesty and inspiration....all under 140 characters. I thought I'd share a few of my favourites. In no particular order....
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I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear (@SharobKnight)
no matter what situations arise in my life..you are still God, and you are still good. you hold my world in your hands. (@LaLaArdor)
@sheisLadyJ leftover pizza is like the girl that didn't get asked out to the prom but in actuality is the best girl in the whole school (@DOdelisca)
Christian music, concerts etc. can be nice supplements. Supplements are good, but never meant to replace meals. John 6:57 (@ShaiLinne)
RT @BlackCanseco: Imagine if Atheists gave up Atheism every time a famous atheist failed to live up to their moral code?#eddielong (@LionsandLiars)
RT @iRespectFemales: Being single doesn't always mean you're "lonely" and being in a relationship doesn't always mean you're "happy". (@Lisa_MsClassy)
Live in love - Ephesians 5:2 (@GreatBibleVerse)
Whoever said sleep is for the weak obviously never had a midday nap before #sogood (@TAallday5)
As a single woman, I often think about my future husband and how lax he's been about getting in touch with me. (@funnyoneliners)
Great morning. #FF Christ. He's the coolest, smoothest, funniest, most loving man I know. - (@Lisa_MsClassy)
I don't really have a lot to say today. I have tons to blog about: a challenging day at work, prayers for a friend, lessons I'm learning - but nothing to say. My morning devotion reinforced for me a lesson that this outspoken woman is learning: sometimes I need to shut up.
Then Job replied to the Lord, "I am nothing-how could I ever find the answers? I will put my hand over my mouth in silence. 5 I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say." (Job 4:3-4)
So today, (just for today) I'm here to say that I'm shutting up.
I'm kinda diggin' this song On Fire by Cam the Product which I ran across on the West Coast Fiya Website. Check it out, look around the site and have a fantastic start to the week!!
I know, it seems like it was just spring break and now I'm hearing sleigh bells in the mall...
I'm sharing this article from the New York Times that I ran across online on NevaHurd.com. Bwoi, let me tell you, this is a fight that I feel gets worse every year -- one that I take personal offense to. Christian holidays seem to be the only ones appropriated for commercial gain and secular bastardization. I mean, the celebration of Christ's birth (Christmas) and the celebration of Christ's resurrection (Easter) have been turned into the celebration of a fat guy with gifts and the celebration of a chocolate-wielding bunny. Never have I heard of any other religious holy days being taken over by the world for their own gain. There is no Diwali Fairy, Eid Gnome, special Rosh Hashanah Elephant or Ramadan Leprechaun fabricated to take away from the meaning of that day. Christians need to stand up and take Christmas back: in schools, at work and everywhere else in this world.
Play Six Word Saturday along with Cate at Show My Face. The premise: Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. Sounds easy, right? It is....and fun, too!! Click on the button to see what other six words people are putting together.
It's Friday and besides being thankful that it is the end of the work week, I am (more significantly) thankful for joy. If you read this blog, you know that I've come up against some challenges at work recently. I'm thankful, however that I still wake up with a smile on my face, I'm still able to recognize all the good things I have in my life. I thankful that my situation does not determine how happy I am in life in general. So on this Thankful Friday, I am grateful for the joy I have that supersedes my circumstance.
I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!
I had a friend issue me a writing challenge today. Write 50 words. Not 51, not 49. 50. Any topic. Challenge accepted. (I liked it so much, in fact that I made an accompanying piece. Each can stand alone, so it's not like I cheated and wrote 100.) Here they are:
I had given myself to them to be loved
But became their game time audible -
A last minute play when the first choice was no longer their choice -
And after time-after-time of being the fall-back,
I began to brand myself into their memories
Until this afterthought started to come first. (50)
I gave myself to Him to be loved
After I had accepted impostors and it faked myself.
He loved me without condition,
Without restriction
Until my restricted-rated inhibitions gave way to
My acceptance of perfect love.
And I surrendered to His example of what perfection can do:
Today's post is short. Because I don't want to post at all. Because I'm tired and it's been one of those days I've been having lately where I have to recite the fruit of the spirit to myself before addressing my coworkers. One of those weeks composed of the days I just described. One of those months where I've committed to blogging daily, despite the trouble.
I sat on the floor in the hallway of my school yesterday with a 15 year old girl as she poured her heart out over a struggle she was having about a boy. She is the archetype young Christian girl who likes the archetype bad boy. She wants to save him. He's in and out of jail. She swears she treats her like a princess. He isn't responding to her pleas for him to change. She doesn't know what to do. Sitting on the floor, crying, she asked me what she should do. So I told her what I thought. I had been there, played that role and had some honest, older, experienced words for her. We talked, we hugged, she felt better - but she still had a decision to make.
I need that now.
I need someone - an older woman, maybe a decade or so my senior - to share with me their experience from being a twenty-something Christian, career-oriented single-parent who is experiencing frustration at work to tell me what she did. I need someone to sit on the floor with me while I cry my soul out to her. I need her honest, older, experienced words. Her talk. Her hug. I need to feel better.
Why is spiritual discipline so much harder than physical?
That's the question on deck this morning as I prepare for a long day at work and pack for the gym time I'll fit in afterward - when I'm tired and want to just sleep. I've already touched on my food-related self control issues in a previous post, but outside of that, my self-discipline is, well, satisfactory. Physically. I'll get up at 5am for a workout, push out the extra few reps at the gym, train like an athlete (even when I'm not competing) all under my own discipline. I know the goal and I'm willing to work for it. Somehow though, when a much larger, significantly more substantial reward is at stake (see: salvation), remaining disciplined is waaaayyyy harder.
Remember that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize. You also must run in such a way that you will win. All athletes practice strict self-control. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.
(1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NLT)
This blog is about my growth. This is an area in which I need to grow.....I need to spiritually grow the heck up. It's not that I don't want to be the most spiritually disciplined chick on the block, it's just a constant struggle to purpose every single step. Only through prayer and grace....
If you read yesterday's post, then you already know that I saw the movie For Colored Girls and was pretty drawn in by the stories. You may not know that the movie is not a Tyler Perry original, but an adaptation of a play by Ntozake Shange that was originally called For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf. And because I know there are girls and boys of every age and colour who have considered suicide for whatever reason, this week's Music Monday song offers some hope.
This song is called Don't Do It, off of Young Joshua's debut album Thinking Out Loud. The album is pretty fantastic - a solid project all-around - and it couldn't come at a better time.
Enjoy...
For we are not our own masters when we live or when we die. Romans 14:7 (NLT)
I just walked in the door from watching For Colored Girls.
I had no idea how connected I would feel to this Tyler Perry film.
I was sitting in a sparsely occupied theatre, attentive to the movie, relating to the experiences being portrayed by the women on the screen. I was thinking things like Yup, I dated that guy and Don't believe him! I've heard that before and baby girl, don't give up - I've been there, too! (Who am I kidding? I was yelling those things at the screen just like the other 20 women in the theatre.) I sat there in my seat and felt the same hurt and shame and resentment that the actresses conveyed as the women's stories unfolded. I felt along with them because, I realized, they were telling my story - not all of them, of course, but a few....one in particular. It was actually really difficult to watch at a couple of points - sitting in the theatre with strangers and friends who don't know my colored girl secrets, feeling like I was being exposed. Maybe they felt that way, too....
I left the theatre wondering what happens next? Tyler Perry has a way of introducing and facilitating the beginning of conversations that, although they are important conversations to be had, get left as just an introduction. And then I'm left to wonder where the responsibility falls to pick up the conversation, continue it and turn the words into some sort of action? Who helps the colored girls to be more than a series of almost unmanageable stories, a collage of tragic entertainment and casualties of their circumstance?
As a colored girl, a woman who saw her past splashed vividly across 30 ft of screen, I'm prayerful that this isn't the end of the conversation. (If you'll notice, this blog post is a 'part 1', so you know it's not the end for me......)
Watch the trailer, watch the movie, join the conversation....
Happy Saturday, y'all. I made it through the work week - praise the Lord....by Wednesday I wasn't sure I would. My six words from this week are lifted straight from my morning devotion for today:
A truth about myself: I often procrastinate when I am faced with something challenging. While it seems easier in the moment to put the task off until later, it doesn't then dawn on me that the mental strain of thinking about it over time, plus the added stress of having to do it at a later time (when I could potentially have additional challenges to face) will actually make the task harder. 99% of the time I feel better once the task is completed, so the question on deck is: Why wait?
~gg~
Play Six Word Saturday along with Cate at Show My Face. The premise: Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. Sounds easy, right? It is....and fun, too!! Click on the button to see what other six words people are putting together.
I've noticed that for NaBloPoMo, a lot of bloggers are going with a theme of thanksgiving/gratefulness/appreciation, so I thought I'd join in on Fridays to share what I'm thankful for. This week has really been challenging but thankfully, I've had reminders all along the way about staying focussed on the goal. Reminders have come from friends, from reading the word, bible study, and music. My iPod has delivered many messages just when I needed to hear them so on this TGIF NaBloPoMo day 5, I am thankful for the message in the music.
For NaBloPoMo Day 4, I'm sharing somebody else's words. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of watching the video to a spoken word piece written and performed by Toronto-based artist, Quentin Vercetty. I am humbled to say that I have shared the stage with him on a couple of occasions and he is just as amazing to listen to live as he is in this video.....and, also, that listening to his work often makes me want to burn my own notebook. Okay, maybe that's a little melodramatic - there is no competition happening here - just an honest and powerful work by a gifted poet, who is also a talented visual artist (and all-around nice guy). The video for Through the Eyes of a Child is one of those works not easily forgotten.
It's amazing what God can use as tools to bring us to Him.
I was on Twitter last night when I got the message: The devil wants to condemn and judge you, putting you in fear of sharing what you have overcome. Share; when you share you overcome the enemy.
After writing yesterday's post, I battled myself for most of the day, trying to decide how much of myself I should share because, well...I act, dress, and think very differently now that I'm a believer than I did when I was in the world. I'm not proud of some of my past moments, but I recognize the power of sharing the places that God has literally saved me from. Sooo....I guess there is no time like the present.
In those days, when you were slaves of sin, you weren't concerned with doing what was right. And what was the result? It was not good, since now you are ashamed of the things you used to do, things that end in eternal doom. But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 6: 20-23 NLT)
This story (performed spoken) was written a while ago...about a time before that.....
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I have what you would call an 'addictive personality'.
That means that I am more likely than most to turn a habit into a compulsion, an idea into an obsession. I am inclined to take a casual indulgence and create a dependence on it so strong that I would then be classified as an “addict.”
I think that’s what attracted me to him in the first place. He was my casual indulgence. He made me high.
I was never addicted to nicotine, alcohol, cocaine. I didn’t find myself allowing drugs rob me of money, time or energy. I couldn’t fathom the idea of letting a tangible object control the way I felt.
But ED was different.
I knew about his reputation. I had seen the havoc he could wreak in the lives of the women that gave you the time of day; the ones that were seduced by his charm and manipulated by his lies. I had even heard that he had experimented with some boys. You see, Ed didn’t see gender, race, sexuality….he was interested in everyone that was interested in him. But at the end of the day, he really had a way with the ladies. ED, he was a shape-shifter. Like a fugitive, he was constantly altering his presentation so that on first, second, and even third encounter, he was virtually unrecognizable. I knew what he could do, so I think that if I had recognized him from the beginning, we wouldn’t have gotten in so deep.
But I never saw him coming.
ED showed up at the perfect time – just on the sunny side of mourning a relationship that ended at the same time as my self-esteem. I looked in the mirror and saw a girl who was imperfect. Unloved. Sub-par. Unpretty. He saw the potential I had to be amazing. Enviable. Beautiful.
Perfect.
That’s how he got me. With the promise of perfection. And so, I followed his lead. ED showed me that I already had the tools to do what was needed – I had determination, motivation, discipline, self-control. That was the key. I had control. I loved control. That was my drug of choice and he handed me an endless supply. And every time I showed my strength and kept things under control, he helped me to see a better version of myself…but he never took credit for it. It’s like he was my silent coach – never wanting to be acknowledged, spoken of…
...and I was so high.
People were noticing the change in me. They were amazed by my discipline. Envied my ability to work toward my goal. Said I looked gorgeous. Everything he told me they would say, they said and their affirmations fed my addiction. You see, nobody had changed the way I looked for me. I did that. I decided how hard to work, what to eat....and that sort of power was intoxicating. So, I had to keep following him. Even though he began to raise the bar on expectations.
More work. More discipline. More results.
I wanted the results. But I was tired. Giving in to tiredness makes you weak, he said. Work harder. And I was hungry. Eating more makes you weak, he said. Eat less. He made me punish myself until I heard his words come alive in my voice. Do you want to go back to being fat and unloved and unnoticed? Do you want people to think you can’t do this? Do you want to be a failure?
Of course not….so I pushed on, giving up one destructive relationship for another. Addicted to the control…not realizing that control was exactly what I was losing.
It was as he began to show his true colours that I finally understood why he didn’t want to be acknowledged. If I had ever told people about the mess I was involved with, they would've told me to turn my back and run like hell. But I didn't recognize him. It took the careful observation of a friend and her courage to call him by name for me to realize who the monster was that I had come to love.
I hate that he still comes around. I hate it when I see him with other women because I know what he will do to them, too. I hate that his words are still in my head and that when I look in the mirror, I see a girl that needs to be improved instead of a woman that needs to be embraced. And, yes, I’m still getting over him – probably will for the rest of my life, or at least as long as it takes me to not be afraid to call him by name. See, ED isn’t really his name, but rather, his initials: E.D. I've always hated using his name when telling people about my relationship with him. I prefer ED, because his full name - Eating Disorder - makes it sound like something’s wrong with me and, finally, I know that’s not the case.
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Update: My mind went back to this time of my life after my little run-in with chocolate last week. I'm praying about it (I hope you will, too)...God's working on me. But I'm blessed and free from this type of addiction today.
The first thought in my head when I woke up last Sunday morning was, "Uuughh....I can't believe I ate six chocolate bars yesterday." And they weren't the mini Halloween-type chocolates that you can get away with eating four or five of without anyone batting an eye. These were full sized, Skor, Milky Way and Twix bars (even one King Size) that I downed over the course of an afternoon with my family over a football game and shopping. On Sunday morning I was so ashamed of my over-indulgence that I jumped on my brother's stair climber and desperately tried to out-step my chocolate sin.
12 minutes into the workout I realized I was in hot water. (But that's tomorrow's story.)
Anyhoo, when I came home from visiting my brother in Chicago and returned to work, I told my co-worker (let's call her Ms. Churchy) about the excessive snacking and we decided to go on a week-long fast of our vices. Today happens to be Day 7 of that fast and I find myself counting down the hours until I can have a little Twix bar. (I bought some of that discount Halloween on Nov 1st as incentives for my students and plan to eat a few myself. I may not celebrate with ghouls and goblins, but I'll sure as heck take advantage of the discounts!!) Here's the thing: going 7 days with no sweets hasnt' really been all that hard. Yeah, I see a treat and would like to have it, but I can walk away without breaking into a cold sweat. What I do have a problem with is stopping when I start. So tomorrow when I arrive at work I'm going to peel back the golden wrapper on that 10g log of goodness and enjoy every morsel of it slowly......then I'll likely pocket a handful of them and finish them all before the national anthem starts. Once I open the floodgates it's hard to stop.
I don't really want to swear off chocolate forever, but I lack self-control in this area and, though chocolate may not seem like a big deal, a lack of self-control certainly is. Don't trust me, trust the Word:
Knowing God leads to self-control. Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness. Godliness leads to love for other Christians, and finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more you will become productive and useful in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But those who fail to develop these virtues are blind or, at least, very shortsighted. They have already forgotten that God has cleansed them from their old life of sin. (2 Peter 1: 6-9 NLT)
My only answer for this is the same answer that I have for resiting other temptations that I can predict/foresee, and that is by not putting myself in situations that might cause me to fall/(over)indulge. At this point it's not really the chocolate - it's the principle - that I'm concerned with. So, I'm keeping the bags (yes, bags) of Halloween candy at work, not at home. I've told Ms. Churchy about my struggle and asked for her support to keep me accountable. I'm praying continually for God to keep me from situations in which I might be tempted and for the strength to resist when I do come upon temptation.
Well, the badge basically says it all. NaBloPoMo = National Blog Posting Month. (Get info/join in here.) November has 30 days. This blog will have a(t least one) post on each of those 30 days. I've never participated in this before, so I'm hoping I can keep up, but I am committing to the challenge. Nothing like a little motivation to post regularly on a new blog.....
Music Monday will count as my first post of the challenge. See ya tomorrow....
I need to listen to this song every single morning so that I remember to play the background and let God take the lead. The more I remember this, the easier life becomes and the more successful I am at overcoming daily challenges and tests. Enjoy Background by Lecrae ft. C-Lite on this Music Monday.
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